ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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