He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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