i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
