your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
