i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
