Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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