New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
