i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
