Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
