it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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