So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
