Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
