Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
