I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
