I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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