My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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