I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
