i just had sex bonerless
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
