Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
