I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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