you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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