Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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