but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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