Have you finally orgasmed yet?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
