You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
