you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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