ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
