tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
