apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
