Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
