Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
