I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
