bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
