Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
