so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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