I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
