saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
