Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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