it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When are your genitals available?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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