we're blogging at a bar
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
