I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
