We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
