we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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