I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
