can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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