sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
