He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
