Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
