I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
