I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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