She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
