You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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