he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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