i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
