I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
