i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
